You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize