He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
