so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
