i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
