my vag is so smooth its legendary
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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