Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
