I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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