If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
