i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
