Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
