My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
