Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
