so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
