2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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