I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
