I need to stop coming to work sober
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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