I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
