you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
