my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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