Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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