There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize