so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
