Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
