So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
