If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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