i barfeds in our rink
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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