I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
