Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
