remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
