Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
