so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
