it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
