Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
