are you still at the devil's house?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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