Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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