I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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