Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's the barista slut.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
