literally had 100 drinks last night.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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