I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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