a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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