Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There r osticjed everywhere
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
