you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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