My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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