I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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