That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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