I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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