I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
should my penis look like a turkey
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
