then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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