it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
