so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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