When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
