He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize