Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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