He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
