bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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