This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
