Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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