You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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