he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
