i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
