its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
