also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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