she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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