I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
