drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize