you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
