we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
