We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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