well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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