You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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