Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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