so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
