Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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