im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
