good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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