I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
