i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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