I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
