Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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