He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
