cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just cropdusted the office
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
