i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
