Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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