I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
