I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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