apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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