Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
