about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
