And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
