There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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