I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What a dumb baby whore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
