Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
