There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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