Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
