I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
