He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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